23 May 2013

Searching for happiness

I seem to have a short fuse lately, and snap at things quite easily. I'm worried that I've been suffering some sort of depression, which wouldn't surprise me considering what I've been through the past 12 months. There are days when I'm feeling down because I'm missing my Dad or feel as though I can't cope. I hate for the girls to see me like this.

I have literally lost my patience with "Popette" who has become so defiant, and says no to just about everything. Then there's the screaming, yelling, hitting and disobeying everything we ask her to do. I'm not sure if it's a case of the "terrible 4's" or whether she's picked up on my mood and attitude, and acting out.

I love my girls so much. I don't want to be this person. It's not me.

I want to hear my girls giggle, see them smile and hear them laugh out loud, not cry, yell or scream.

Source: etsy.com via LT on Pinterest

For a while now I've been thinking that I need to find what makes me happy not just as a Mummy but me as a person, and bring that back into my life.

I miss being creative, and doing something that's just for me. After I had "Popette" I was attending an evening art class once a week, which I enjoyed. Then I got pregnant with "Cherub" and haven't returned as my head hadn't been in a great place and I couldn't get into being creative.

I love having fun with the girls, but lately it has been a real struggle for me to get on top of the housework, it never seems to go away, which has resulted in less time to have fun with the girls. Even doing craft with "Popette" and blogging has become a bit of a chore, instead of something fun.

Writing for me was a creative release, an outlet for me to express my thoughts or experiences as a Mummy with other Mummies and readers. I want blogging to be something I enjoy and for it to flow easily, and be something that you enjoy to read.

So with this in mind I've decided to take a little break from the blog and go in search of what makes me happy. I am hoping not to be away for too long, and come back feeling refreshed with some stories of the girls, and fun craft activities.

What makes you happy?

15 May 2013

Note to self: think before you speak

The girls & I ventured out in the cold to playgroup today. (What is it with this weather?!) We hadn't been for a few weeks so I wasn't sure how "Popette" would go. I was pleased to see her play with a little girl towards the end of the session, and also present her "news" (a collage of Hootabelle we had made days earlier) to a small group of children.

The girls playing together at the daycare's Mother's day morning tea

"Popette" seems to have bounced back to her little self. She's still a little shy when we get to playgroup and wants me close by, but after a while seems to be happy to do some craft, colour-in, make a pasta necklace and chat with other girls & boys at playgroup.

For the past couple weeks she's also been excited to go to "preschool" (which is actually daycare, but we let her call it "preschool", whatever makes her happy!). Lately, she tells me "I"m excited about going to preschool Mumma", and is happy to pack her bag, pick something to take for "news" and find a teddy or baby to accompany her. It's such a turnaround from what we had been experiencing months before.

When dropping her off, she gives us a big cuddle and a kiss, but doesn't cry anymore. She is fairly happy to walk off with an educator or go off and play with another child. The educators are wondering what happened for this change to occur, but are so glad to have the old "Popette" back!

"Popette" at preschool's Mother's Day morning tea
I'm still a little worried about her, and do wonder whether she'll be ready to go to "big school" next year.

Most of the mothers at the playgroup have kids who are either going to "big school", who are 4 turning 5, or turning 6 as they have been held back from starting school. So of couse, the topic most Mums wanted to discuss was "Is your child starting school next year?"

I'm really unsure at this stage if "Popette" will be ready to go to school next year, it'll be a "wait & see". Hubby & I will chat with her educators at daycare, then make a decision about what's best for "Popette".

"Popette" will be turning 5 in January, which could mean she may or may not be ready. I don't want to push her, but then she may "need" a little push. She is already talking about when she turns 5, she'll be going to "big school", which is great. But in the back of mind, I have a list of things she needs to conquer, before she'll be ready to go.

One mother tried telling me over & over again, that just because "Popette" is 5 in January, doesn't mean she'll be ready and I may need to hold her back like she had to hold back her son.

I then got a couple of strange looks when I mistakenly uttered the words "Do you think it's become a bit of a trend in holding kids back a year" (note to self, next time think before speaking!), which I then followed up with a "I remember when I started school, I turned 5 in December and started school in Jan/Feb the following year". From the look on the woman's face, I don't think it went down very well! Eeeek!

She then went on about her son who was held back, and how she wanted him to be 13 when he starts high school (he is only in Year 2 at the moment!), and thought that holding him back was the right thing, and how it took her 6 months to decide what to do, and that she didn't think anymore about it after she made the decision. Good on her. Did I really need to know all this. No.

I just smiled, nodded my head, and told her in my nicest voice that we hadn't made a decision at this stage, and wasn't sure if "Popette" would be starting school next year. And when she is ready, I'll know. Then quickly walked away.

This was all because I asked a simple question, "Do you know if public schools conduct interviews for Kindergarten?"

So the big question is, do I return to playgroup next week for another earful or do I cut my losses and stick at taking the girls to the library for story & craft time.

Do you ever have the type of conversations, where someone has an answer for everything, except the one thing you've asked?