27 October 2015

Another dose of mother guilt

As a Mum do you ever wish you had managed things differently? Do you ever think I'd love to go back to a time I completely lost my shit at my child and give myself a head slap??? Ok, maybe that's just me. Lately I'm feeling like I haven't been the best Mumma to my girls. Especially in the remembering to be in the present and focus on what's going on around me.
 
Yesterday Popette and I were chatting about getting older, and how some teenagers don't want to talk, play or have fun anymore. An example is Popette's older cousin, who sadly, prefers to play on her iPhone rather than with her little cousins. She's just turned 15, and hardly talks to us unless we ask her a question. I think back to what I was like when I was 15, and I can remember that listening to music and drawing was a big part of my life, but so was spending time with my family and friends, okay probably not my brothers so much as they would hassle me out, but my parents, grandparents and relatives.

The conversation I had with Popette went something like this:

Me: "I hope you will still want to play with Mummy, Daddy and Cherub when you're a teenager"

Popette:  "Yes Mum, I will" {I know her becoming a teenager is a long way away, but I actually believe her.} "Cherub is still going to be little and will want me to play with her".
 
Me: "I hope you will still want to paint, draw and do craft with me!"

Popette: "Of course Mumma, but you should stay off Facebook, and play with us more."

Hearing this advice coming from my 6.5 year old, sounded like something my husband would say, but to hear it from my little girl really made me feel guilty and hurt.
 
I know there's been times when I've spent too much time online instead of playing with the girls, but I also try and spend quality time with them as well.

Going online was my form of escapism when I needed a break. What originally started out as jumping on the computer during my lunch break or when the girls took a nap, turned into 30 minutes while they watch a TV show, or an hour writing a post, to another hour checking Facebook. Then a few years ago I got my first smartphone which made it even easier for me to check my newsfeed - I don't understand this ridiculous urge in frequently checking my Facebook newsfeed, its crazy I know, but I do it! Its a habit I need to limit.

My poor attempt at taking selfies with the girls

I love my girls so much. I don't want them to remember me as someone who was on the computer a little too much. I want them to remember the fun we have playing games, sitting outside painting or coming up with something crafty together.
 
For someone who was supposed to be focusing more, I seem to be losing focus. I'm not doing a very good job with my choice of guiding word this year!
 
This has been a little wake up call and made me realise that although my girls are little they take in a lot more than I thought.

To end this post I have some good news, we got results back for my colonoscopy and Cherub's MRI - its all good, which is a relief!

Do you suffer mothers guilt? How do you cope with it? How often do you check your Facebook newsfeed?
 

13 comments:

  1. Hey honey. We all need some downtime and me time. You are doing an amazing job. Chin up and head held high. Good news on your results.x

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  2. If social media had been around when I was a mum in the 1970s my life at home (only 6 months lol) would have seemed less lonely. I know its important to connect and stay in touch with others just as I know its important to take time with the kids to truly listen and look. However, we cant be ONLY one way. Bit of mum "downtime"is best for all!

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    1. Thanks Denyse, yep I agree us Mums need some downtime :)

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  3. Oh no - they see what we don't. One of my kids the other day stopped telling me a story as I was on my phone linking up an Instagram pic and they just wanted my full attention.

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    1. I guess if we were telling a story to them, and they weren't giving us our whole attention we'd stop reading the story :)

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  4. Our kids tell it how it is and I love that, we often need that wake up call to pull us up on our bad behaviour. So glad you got good news. #TeamIBOT

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    1. Thanks Malinda, yep they can be very forthright when it comes to something :) It has made me realise that I need to cut down on my online time.

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  5. Facebook can be such a time drainer, I've had issues with it over the years and only this year am I getting on top of it. I deleted the app off my phone which takes care of the easy access issue and I've found the less you go on it, the less you have the urge to. Sometimes it just takes a good old week of withdrawals to kick the habit!

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    1. I know what you mean Haidee. Its wasted a lot of my time over the past 6 years. I had a break from it over the holidays, but think I need to reduce the amount of time I spend on it. I access FB through the Internet on my phone (no app), its too easy to pick up my phone and check it. I know I need to cut down my online time, esp during the day while the girls are at home. ;)

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  6. You are doing a wonderful job. When your children are grown, they won't even think about the time you spent on Facebook, they'll only care about the times you spent together and how much those moments meant to them. x

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  7. Oh ouch! My daughter says similar things and she's only 4 - "put down your phone mummy!" It makes me feel like crap!! Thanks for writing it down and putting it out there :)

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