14 September 2012

Week 36: Best friends

Late Wednesday night I was checking Facebook and received an email from a friend. The email shocked me. It read that my oldest & dearest childhood friend had died in hospital last week, and that her funeral was going to be held on Thursday.

The friend who had emailed me, hadn't known if I had checked the local paper. And thought she would contact me to check if this was my old friend who was my bridesmaid.

Us on my wedding day
Unfortunately it was.

My friend had terminal cancer and was given 12 months to live, she died at the age of 40.

I wish I had known she was sick. Maybe I could have seen her and made my amends, at least see her and say goodbye. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

We were the best of friends growing up, then life just got busy and everything changed. What was once a relationship where we talked for hours about anything and everything, became hard in connecting with each other or we'd only talked about things that happened in our past.

I blame myself for not trying harder, or for keeping in touch. But my husband told me it can't be all my fault, as there was 2 of us in the relationship.

I remember our last catchup was very awkward. The conversations I tried having with her were responded in 2 or 3 words. She was distant and not her warm, happy, self.

Then over the years we sent a few christmas cards and birthday cards to each other, then our lives went in separate directions and we lost contact. She was married, a young mother with 2 children, where as I was working hard at my job, travelling overseas with my now husband and buying a house. I tried to keep in touch, but it was difficult when she didn't talk to me or get in touch with me.

Although I hadn't spoken or seen her in such a long time, I often thought of her. For the past few years I had been trying to find her online. Then a few months ago I found her on Facebook. I sent her an email, but never heard back from her. I was upset in thinking that she had moved on and didn't want to talk to me. Maybe that was the case, I'll never know.

These past couple of days has been the hardest for me.

While we hadn't been friends in over 11 years, I still remember how she could make me laugh, and how she was always smiling and joking around. We always had a fun time when we got together. 

Yesterday, my husband drove me to the funeral, but couldn't be with me through the service as he had 11 month old "Cherub" in the car. I was devastated. I tried to give my friend's husband our condolescenes, but it came blubbering out as a "I'm sorry".. which is all I could say to him, my friend's Mum and sister, who I knew all well. They didn't respond with a greeting, not that I was really expecting one, only a thanks for coming.

This week I am grateful for having a best friend. She was my best friend throughout childhood to early adulthood and was a fun loving person, who I will always remember fondly.

I am grateful to have shared happy times with her, and to have had her as a friend even if it was only for a short time.

What are you grateful for?

I am linking up with Maxabella Loves over at Kidspot's Village Voices.

10 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a friend like that, and last year when I went back to Sweden I contacted her and told her I was there. And she wanted to meet! yay, I was so happy! We are not in contact every day now, but at least we know where we are and that feels so good.
    I mean, we have known each other for 32 years :) and she was a big part of my life growing up. With her it was a lot of "firsts" and that is important.

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    1. Thanks :)

      I'm glad to hear that you are in contact with your friend back in Sweden.

      I wish I had the chance to see my friend one last time. She was a huge part of my life growing up as well.

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  2. So sorry for your loss, Julie. You have a beautiful positive attitude because you're grateful for having had her in your life.
    I have ups and downs with my own best friend and reading your post has made me realise how fortunate I am to have her in my life. She was my bridesmaid too.

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    1. Thanks Grace, its hard to feel positive about something as sad as death. I really wish I had the chance to see her one last time. I just have to remind myself of all the great times we shared together.

      x

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  3. This was such a moving read. It's easy to grow apart from the people we were friends with when we were younger. It happens, especially when we go in different directions. At least you made it to the funeral, and had a chance to say goodbye x

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  4. I am sorry for your loss, losing a friend who is close or not so close hurts.. Sending you big hugs xx


    Popping over from FYBF

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss Julie. You are so lucky to have had her as your best friend and I'm sure that she felt the same way. Hugs.
    Prue x

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  6. Thanks Prue, I hope she did too.
    x

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