The friend who had emailed me, hadn't known if I had checked the local paper. And thought she would contact me to check if this was my old friend who was my bridesmaid.
|Us on my wedding day|
My friend had terminal cancer and was given 12 months to live, she died at the age of 40.
I wish I had known she was sick. Maybe I could have seen her and made my amends, at least see her and say goodbye. I guess it wasn't meant to be.
We were the best of friends growing up, then life just got busy and everything changed. What was once a relationship where we talked for hours about anything and everything, became hard in connecting with each other or we'd only talked about things that happened in our past.
I blame myself for not trying harder, or for keeping in touch. But my husband told me it can't be all my fault, as there was 2 of us in the relationship.
I remember our last catchup was very awkward. The conversations I tried having with her were responded in 2 or 3 words. She was distant and not her warm, happy, self.
Then over the years we sent a few christmas cards and birthday cards to each other, then our lives went in separate directions and we lost contact. She was married, a young mother with 2 children, where as I was working hard at my job, travelling overseas with my now husband and buying a house. I tried to keep in touch, but it was difficult when she didn't talk to me or get in touch with me.
Although I hadn't spoken or seen her in such a long time, I often thought of her. For the past few years I had been trying to find her online. Then a few months ago I found her on Facebook. I sent her an email, but never heard back from her. I was upset in thinking that she had moved on and didn't want to talk to me. Maybe that was the case, I'll never know.
These past couple of days has been the hardest for me.
While we hadn't been friends in over 11 years, I still remember how she could make me laugh, and how she was always smiling and joking around. We always had a fun time when we got together.
Yesterday, my husband drove me to the funeral, but couldn't be with me through the service as he had 11 month old "Cherub" in the car. I was devastated. I tried to give my friend's husband our condolescenes, but it came blubbering out as a "I'm sorry".. which is all I could say to him, my friend's Mum and sister, who I knew all well. They didn't respond with a greeting, not that I was really expecting one, only a thanks for coming.
This week I am grateful for having a best friend. She was my best friend throughout childhood to early adulthood and was a fun loving person, who I will always remember fondly.
I am grateful to have shared happy times with her, and to have had her as a friend even if it was only for a short time.
What are you grateful for?
I am linking up with Maxabella Loves over at Kidspot's Village Voices.